The holiday season is often painted as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many of us, it can also be the most overwhelming. Between family gatherings, cultural expectations, and festive obligations, it’s easy to lose yourself in the whirlwind of pleasing everyone else. And if you’re part of a South Asian family, the pressure can feel even more intense.

Let’s talk about why you should never settle for less with family especially during the holidays and how setting boundaries can help you reclaim your joy and peace.

1. Festive Expectations Can Be Overwhelming

In South Asian families, holidays and festivals are all about togetherness, which is beautiful but it can sometimes be exhausting. Whether it’s the forced gatherings, constant scrutiny, or unspoken expectations, the festive season can become more about duty than celebration.

You’re juggling year end work deadlines, trying to plan your own holiday traditions, but suddenly find yourself roped into hosting a family gathering because “everyone else is busy.” Saying no feels impossible, but agreeing means sacrificing your own plans for others.

This is where boundaries come in. Because every no you say to others is a yes to yourself, and during the holidays, that yes is more important than ever.

2. Guilt Amplifies During the Holidays

The festive season often comes with its own brand of guilt. In South Asian families, this guilt is heightened by reminders of sacrifices made by parents and elders. You’re told to drop everything and participate in family traditions, even if it’s at the cost of your own happiness or peace.
Last year, I skipped a large family event to spend the holidays with friends who made me feel truly at ease. The fallout? Weeks of passive aggressive comments and “after all we’ve done for you” guilt trips. While it hurt, it also taught me the importance of prioritising my mental health and choosing spaces where I felt supported.

3. Love in a South Asian Family Isn’t Always Gentle

In South Asian households, love often comes with a unique mix of care, expectations, and control. You’re expected to be grateful for everything your family has done for you, but sometimes that gratitude is used to invalidate your feelings or choices.

Remember those “family gatherings” where Auntie #1 questions why you’re not married yet, while Uncle #2 subtly reminds you of your “duties” to your parents? For many brown kids, these moments aren’t just awkward, they’re emotionally draining. Yet, we’re taught to smile and nod because “respect” for elders is non negotiable.

Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting your family out. It’s about creating space to celebrate the season in ways that genuinely bring you joy.

4. The Holiday Season Can Be a Time of Reflection

The end of the year naturally invites reflection, making it the perfect time to re-evaluate your relationships with family. Are you settling for traditions or expectations that no longer serve you? Are you sacrificing your mental health just to keep the peace?

The truth is, the holidays don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to fulfil every role your family expects of you. Taking a step back to honour your needs doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you healthier.

How to Reclaim the Holidays on Your Terms

1. Start Small: Choose one or two things you’ll say no to this year and practice holding that boundary.
2. Communicate Early: Let your family know your plans ahead of time to avoid last-minute pressure.
3. Honour Your Own Traditions: Whether it’s a quiet evening with hot chocolate or a trip with friends, make space for what truly brings you joy.
4. Find Allies: Share your feelings with someone in your family who might understand, like a sibling or cousin.
5. Celebrate Without Guilt: Remember, every no to others is a yes to yourself! And your wellbeing deserves that yes.

Why It’s Worth It

The holidays should be about joy, connection, and rest. Not about losing yourself to the expectations of others. South Asian families have so much beauty to offer, from vibrant celebrations to deep-rooted love. But even the strongest bonds need boundaries to thrive.

This season, choose yourself unapologetically. Because the greatest gift you can give your family and yourself is the healthiest version of you ❤️