We’ve all been there—sitting at dinner with someone who checks all the boxes on paper, but deep down, something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe they’re nice, have a good job, and share some of your interests, but the connection isn’t there. And yet, you find yourself wondering if you’re being too picky. After all, who’s perfect? But the truth is, finding the right person isn’t about perfection; it’s about not settling for less than what truly fulfils you.

Pressure to Settle

In a world where everyone seems to be coupling up, it’s easy to feel the pressure to just “find someone.” Friends are getting married, starting families, and there you are, swiping through dating apps and wondering if you’re too picky. You might even start questioning whether your standards are too high or if you’re missing out by waiting for something more.

This pressure is amplified tenfold in South Asian cultures, where the expectations to marry and settle down start early and intensify with age. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard, “You’re not getting any younger,” or “What will people think?” It’s almost as if your worth is tied to whether or not you’re in a relationship, and this societal pressure can make you feel like you need to settle just to fit in.

I remember a time when I thought I’d met someone who was “good enough.” He was kind, had a stable job, and we got along well. But there was always a small voice in the back of my mind telling me that something was off. I tried to ignore it, telling myself that maybe this was as good as it gets. But that voice wouldn’t go away. Deep down, I knew that I was settling for something that didn’t make me truly happy, and eventually, I had to listen to it.

Knowing Yourself

One of the most important steps in finding the right person is knowing who you are and what you need in a relationship. This isn’t about creating a checklist of qualities someone must have; it’s about understanding what makes you feel valued, respected, and truly connected to someone. For me, it meant recognising that I needed someone who could challenge me intellectually, make me laugh, and support my goals and ambitions.

It’s also about being honest with yourself about what you can and can’t compromise on. Compromise is essential in any relationship, but there’s a big difference between compromising on where to eat for dinner and compromising on core values or needs. If you feel like you’re constantly making excuses for why the relationship isn’t quite what you want, it might be time to reevaluate.

In South Asian communities, there’s often an added pressure to compromise on things that really matter, just to meet the expectations of others. It’s not uncommon to hear phrases like, “He’s from a good family,” or “He has a stable job, what more do you need?” But you need more than that. You need someone who understands you, supports you, and makes you feel genuinely happy.

Never Settle

Settling might seem easier in the short term, but in the long run, it can lead to resentment, dissatisfaction, and a lack of fulfilment. When you settle, you’re essentially telling yourself that your needs and desires aren’t important. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem and make you feel stuck in a relationship that doesn’t bring you joy.

I’ve seen friends who settled for relationships because they were tired of being single, only to find themselves unhappy and unfulfilled a few years down the line. It’s a heartbreaking realisation, especially when they feel trapped by the life they’ve built around a relationship that doesn’t truly satisfy them.

Trusting the Process

Finding the right person takes time, and it’s not always a smooth journey. It might mean going on a lot of bad dates, facing rejection, and spending more time alone than you’d like. But it’s worth it. When you finally meet someone who aligns with your values, challenges you to be better, and makes you feel like the best version of yourself, you’ll realise that the wait was worth it.

Don’t let the fear of being alone or the pressure to settle—whether it’s from society, culture, or family—push you into a relationship that doesn’t feel right. Trust that the right person is out there and that you deserve to find someone who truly fulfils you. Remember, it’s better to be single than to be in a relationship where you’re settling for less than you deserve.

Finding the right person isn’t about perfection; it’s about finding someone who complements you, respects you, and makes you feel valued. Don’t let the fear of being single or societal pressure, especially within South Asian cultures, force you into settling. Trust in the process, know your worth, and wait for a relationship that truly fulfils you. You deserve nothing less, Queen!